I'm a 40-year-old mom addicted to reflecting on life and my role in this crazy world we live in. Through writing, art, photography I try to make sense of where I am, and through genealogy I try to know from where I came, and gardening, well, it simply connects me with mother nature and her connection to god.
Yesterday, my realtor called and asked if I could move out of my house in a little less than two weeks. It sent me into a panic. For one, I'm enjoying lallygagging about the house drawing, working on my genealogy, reading, etc. To stop, drop and roll into packing and moving into a storage unit freaked me out. In addition, it freaked me out to be moving into Eric's so quickly. Less than two weeks allows for little acclimation of the idea of moving, the actual process of moving and there would be no slowly moving things in a day at a time. It would have to be all done in one fell-swoop. Of course, I COULD do it, and I would do it, but I needed to panic a bit. Out of the panic, I drew today's piece, and I went to the Internet (since I cannot seem to gather my own thoughts well enough to express) to find some quotes that would help me with my drawing. I had to really think about what kind of quotes I needed. Basically my panic centers around fear, which is an "emotion" that has plagued me my entire life. I have done an incredible job overcoming fear, realizing that fear is something that was keeping me stagnant in my life. There are so many quotes; it was hard to choose, so I chose several--yes, I have issues with making up my mind! Initially the face began as a "typical" face I've been drawing, but an oops here and an oops there, turned her into a crying angel. I have to wonder what does she signify. I think, and I could be wrong, but the tears are what I'd expect to occur when fear arises. To ignore the fear is to be unfaithful to my emotions. If I feel it, it must be real. HOWEVER, the wings signify the rising above the emotions. To feel it is a must, but to let it rule me is unacceptable. The praying hands signify faith. I do believe that things happen for a reason and I do believe a higher power is at work helping us overcome, building the bridge to help us cross over the experience or giving us the bandages to sooth our knees as we've crawled through the muck and guck of whatever turmoil we have to encounter. Just a few days ago, someone asked me if my has had sold yet and if I was getting impatient. I said, "No, I'm not impatient. It will happen when it's meant to happen." So....
I always find myself in this situation. Wanting to create and having nothing to say. Well, I shouldn't say I have nothing to say; nothing just seems worthy enough to put in my journal. Interestingly, my process this summer has been different. I'm trying to create journal backdrops--I'm not comfortable calling them pages yet--for what's rolling about in my head. Once upon a time, I would have had the words and then taken time to "illustrate" them. Perhaps that is why I'm having difficulty "coughing" up words. The process has switched and it's taking me some time to catch up. Also, I'm drawing instead of using family photos, which I've been doing a lot of in the past few years. I've totally shaken up the entire process, I guess, and I'll get there. It'll just take time. Of course, summer is inching to a close and school will be starting soon, and then the process will be nearly shut down! Good grief.
So to get started on those pages, I drove to Kansas City today and stopped in Urban Arts and Crafts. I bought tons of stuff. Too much probably since I have nothing to say! But I did get a copy of Artful Blogging, which is a lovely publication that looks at "visually inspiring online journals". I so love the blogs that I found there, and I love the blogs I've discovered in the last few months. Before moving my blog here, I hadn't really taken the time to search the other spots that are out there. I was really trying to figure out how to find time in my day to blog--still haven't mastered that one, but am getting the hang of it. Slowly but surely. One of the things I really enjoyed about Artful Blogging is that they delve into everyone's processes of blogging, the benefits, the things to consider. I really enjoyed this read. If you haven't gotten your hands on this, you should. I think, I'll actually use it for one of my first lessons in my AP Lit class this fall. I know that the kids are blogging a lot on facebook, etc., but I'd really like them to think about the artistic endeavors that they could undertake. They are all such talented creatures at this age with A LOT to say, so why not create an artistic blog? So here are a few of the drawings I've done so far this week. They are funky aren't they? Ugly is okay to say, too. I have fallen in love with them, though. Since turning 40, I've really started to question what beauty is and how we capture beauty--if at all. The "older" looking drawing is going to be titled, "When you aren't 16 anymore". Perhaps I'll use one of my favorite lines, "I grow old, I grow old, I wear by trousers rolled." When I first read that years ago in my undergrad poetry class, I loved it, but there is something more timely now...no worries, my trousers aren't rolled yet, and neither are my "stockings"!