Words of Inspiration

Yesterday, my realtor called and asked if I could move out of my house in a little less than two weeks. It sent me into a panic. For one, I'm enjoying lallygagging about the house drawing, working on my genealogy, reading, etc. To stop, drop and roll into packing and moving into a storage unit freaked me out. In addition, it freaked me out to be moving into Eric's so quickly. Less than two weeks allows for little acclimation of the idea of moving, the actual process of moving and there would be no slowly moving things in a day at a time. It would have to be all done in one fell-swoop. Of course, I COULD do it, and I would do it, but I needed to panic a bit. Out of the panic, I drew today's piece, and I went to the Internet (since I cannot seem to gather my own thoughts well enough to express) to find some quotes that would help me with my drawing. I had to really think about what kind of quotes I needed. Basically my panic centers around fear, which is an "emotion" that has plagued me my entire life. I have done an incredible job overcoming fear, realizing that fear is something that was keeping me stagnant in my life. There are so many quotes; it was hard to choose, so I chose several--yes, I have issues with making up my mind! Initially the face began as a "typical" face I've been drawing, but an oops here and an oops there, turned her into a crying angel. I have to wonder what does she signify. I think, and I could be wrong, but the tears are what I'd expect to occur when fear arises. To ignore the fear is to be unfaithful to my emotions. If I feel it, it must be real. HOWEVER, the wings signify the rising above the emotions. To feel it is a must, but to let it rule me is unacceptable. The praying hands signify faith. I do believe that things happen for a reason and I do believe a higher power is at work helping us overcome, building the bridge to help us cross over the experience or giving us the bandages to sooth our knees as we've crawled through the muck and guck of whatever turmoil we have to encounter. Just a few days ago, someone asked me if my has had sold yet and if I was getting impatient. I said, "No, I'm not impatient. It will happen when it's meant to happen." So....

Getting the journal ready

I always find myself in this situation. Wanting to create and having nothing to say. Well, I shouldn't say I have nothing to say; nothing just seems worthy enough to put in my journal. Interestingly, my process this summer has been different. I'm trying to create journal backdrops--I'm not comfortable calling them pages yet--for what's rolling about in my head. Once upon a time, I would have had the words and then taken time to "illustrate" them. Perhaps that is why I'm having difficulty "coughing" up words. The process has switched and it's taking me some time to catch up. Also, I'm drawing instead of using family photos, which I've been doing a lot of in the past few years. I've totally shaken up the entire process, I guess, and I'll get there. It'll just take time. Of course, summer is inching to a close and school will be starting soon, and then the process will be nearly shut down! Good grief.

So to get started on those pages, I drove to Kansas City today and stopped in Urban Arts and Crafts. I bought tons of stuff. Too much probably since I have nothing to say! But I did get a copy of Artful Blogging, which is a lovely publication that looks at "visually inspiring online journals". I so love the blogs that I found there, and I love the blogs I've discovered in the last few months. Before moving my blog here, I hadn't really taken the time to search the other spots that are out there. I was really trying to figure out how to find time in my day to blog--still haven't mastered that one, but am getting the hang of it. Slowly but surely. One of the things I really enjoyed about Artful Blogging is that they delve into everyone's processes of blogging, the benefits, the things to consider. I really enjoyed this read. If you haven't gotten your hands on this, you should. I think, I'll actually use it for one of my first lessons in my AP Lit class this fall. I know that the kids are blogging a lot on facebook, etc., but I'd really like them to think about the artistic endeavors that they could undertake. They are all such talented creatures at this age with A LOT to say, so why not create an artistic blog?

So here are a few of the drawings I've done so far this week. They are funky aren't they? Ugly is okay to say, too. I have fallen in love with them, though. Since turning 40, I've really started to question what beauty is and how we capture beauty--if at all. The "older" looking drawing is going to be titled, "When you aren't 16 anymore". Perhaps I'll use one of my favorite lines, "I grow old, I grow old, I wear by trousers rolled." When I first read that years ago in my undergrad poetry class, I loved it, but there is something more timely now...no worries, my trousers aren't rolled yet, and neither are my "stockings"!

Yikes, it's been a week!

All is well--except for Stacey's boredom with my blog. :( I have been busy and just haven't taken the time to post. I've been busy drawing for my journal, researching my family history, making a scrapbook and well just hanging out. Last night, I was able to finish my scrapbook, including all the "outings" since May, except for my visit with Stacey, which I would have scrapbooked if our photos were any good! But I was able to get my trip to Worlds of Fun with the Truman kids, my outing with my niece, Madison, and my sister-in-law, Rachel, to see Wicked in KC, which was FANTABULOUS! I love musicals, but this one topped all I've seen. Of course, I had an invested interest in this since the Wizard of Oz is my favorite movie ever. I also got my trip to see my dad in Branson and the trip to Colorado. I have friends who have buckets full of photos still to be scrapped, but I cannot wait that long! It's like when I get back from a trip before I ever return to my house, I go to Walgreen's and drop off my photos to be processed, so that by the time I've unpacked my car, I can go back and see the wonderful things belonging to the memories of my trip!
In addition, I've been researching my Chapman family tree. My grandma has really been pushing for me to get finished with this. I received the REVOLUTIONARY WAR pension packet for Edmund Chapman, my great, great, great, great grandfather, back in December, and I've been waiting for this summer to sit down and just put it all together. Next week, I'll be taking a trip to the middle of the state to read through court records, hoping to find more info. I so love doing this research. It's addictive.
So today, I did that, and then I made a huge dinner for Eric, his two kids, and my baby (mind you he's almost 20!!). I actually made homemade pie crust (I used Crisco, good lord, can you believe it! Well, the vegetable shortening, not the lard that the actual recipe called for.). The dish is called Russian Pie, and is like a beef potpie, but better. Of course I made one that was non-meat for me, and guess what, just like always, everyone like the non-meat one better! For years, my co-workers have ordered vegetarian lasange and cheese pizza for large parties, and it NEVER fails that I only get one small piece of the "pie", and every one who is a meat eater eats all the veggie stuff! No fair. I never get seconds or left overs....not that I need them, but...so many people give me grief for eating non-meat items and then they are the ones who eat them up!
Oh, I almost forgot, I made a cool little "carrier" for the 4th. On our trip, when we visited Buck Snort, there was a cute little container of salt and pepper, etc. They had taken the plastic beer bottles, cleaned them out and used them as salt and pepper shakers. Then, they also used the six-pack container to carry these around. I thought they were cute, but could be better. I took the same idea, but I covered a six-pack container with photos from our trip. I'll use this to hold the plastic forks and knives and napkins on the 4th, while we are on the deck, cooking out. Cute, huh? What do you think Stace?

Lovely Day

First, my birthday was great. Eric bought me antique wine glasses and an original R2D2 from Star Wars. Yes, I like to drink and collect Star Wars figures! What a combo, huh? Today is beautiful. My flowers are in bloom or just about to bud. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and the bulk of work I had to do the last few days on curriculum writing is over--thank goodness! I did not want to work this summer, but, of course, the district wanted me to help with curriculum writing, which I loathe, and, plus, I'm teaching two new classes this year, and why on earth would I want to write curriculum for classes that I haven't taught at this level? Well, I was told because I am good at it. Ha! I hate it. How can one be good at something she hates? That's the leftovers of the 30's! Remember I said that in my 30's I worked really hard to make a name for myself in my district? Well, I even worked hard at the things I hated and someone took notice. My fault. I take all the blame! I'm off to clean the house. Have to have a nice clean house on such a beautiful day and then I won't feel so guilty sitting on the front porch reading later today.

Colorado Update

This was my first vacation with Eric, and we had a blast! We camped in Woodland Park, CO, and we hiked, climbed, drove, ate, laughed, and had an all-around fantastic time. So, in more detail, we hiked through Garden of the Gods, which is lovely and dry, and full of colors like terracotta, every variation of green, and a dabble here and there of yellows and purple from the blooming cacti. After this, we went to cave of the winds. What a contrast! Cool, dark, damp, deep into the earth. We drove to the top of Pikes Peak. It was the first time in years that Eric had been there, and the first time he'd driven it. Following this, we walked to the top of Seven falls. Let me tell you, I could feel every fat cell in my body crying out for more carbs and wine! I'm so out of shape, but I made it. One set of steps had over 180 steps and another had 204. Now, these are not like the stair stepper I like to use in my front room. They were steep and there is no oxygen in Colorado! I'm telling you, breathing in that altitude is horrid. I do not know how anyone could ever do their yoga deep breathing in Colorado. I tried to suck air in, but to no avail! But, like I said, we made it to the top of each set of steps and were both able to hike further up at the top. The contrast of both days was palpable, though. From hiking desert like conditions to exploring a cave to driving to the top of one peak to walking to the top of Seven Falls. Wow. I love Colorado! We ate at a place called Buck Snort, which is out in the middle of no where. Seriously. We had to drive a thin road along large boulders that had rolled down the mountain at some point in time. On the way there, we saw valleys, green, lush, bathing in the sunset, horses and elk grazing for food, fly-fishermen in the streams, all highlighted so perfectly and peacefully by the evening sky. It was beautiful. Buck Snort is a "saloon". It's got great food, but is so desolate, that few people make it back there. That being said, it looks like everyone has been there. People carve their names in every nook and cranny. It's filled with names of famous and not so famous people who have been fortunate enough to have heard about the place. It looks like a "dive", but it was filled with so much character. After eating, we were walking back to the car, and I stopped because a small animal was coming toward me. It took a minute, but I realized it was a fox. Evidently, it eats at the restuarant in the evening. Yes, it's wild, and I let it be the one to get close to me--which was too close for Eric who felt obligated to remind me that it was a wild animal and my camera wouldn't protect me.

The next day we drove to Cripple Creek and decided to drive to Canon City--down a dirt road, winding through a canyon, steep drop offs, gorgeous!

This last photo is of the hail storm we hit in Eastern Colorado. Yes, it's hail. There was so much hail that they called out the snow plows! It was horrible. No beauty here. It was pitch black and the hail pelted us relentlessly. There had to have been a tornado near by.

Well, I'm off for birthday cake. Eric is making it for me!

I'm 40!

Okay, I awoke to a new decade. I'm officially 40 years old! I'm excited, too. I pulled in last night from my trip to Colorado, where Eric and I went for our first vacation together to celebrate my upcoming birthday... more photos are coming later today or tomorrow.

If my dad were in town, he'd ask, "So, do you feel any different?" Today, no, but over the last few months a distinct change has occurred. I'm more at ease, I'm less obsessed with work, and I'm enjoying down time. Don't get me wrong, I still love my job and still want to do my best, but some magical change happened. I think I've spent the last 10 years trying desperately to get to this point. I finished my master's, achieved national board certification, took two years as an instructional coach, which was a huge career move and major professional development, and I've made a name for myself in my school district. All of that took so much energy. This in tandem with the energy I devoted to healing the wounds of my childhood, really took away my creative spark. What I was creating or doing was all centered around work-related materials or "assigned" projects to help heal those old wounds. That's not to say that some great stuff wasn't created, but, I'm ready to focus more on me and "home" and really allowing the spiritual self to shine through. I totally believe in things occurring for a reason, and now as I begin checking the "40" box on all sorts of documents, I know that I'm right where I'm suppose to be. The ego is sleeping better, the appreciation for life, love and family is strong, and I'm confident and almost comfortable in my own skin. I'm still adjusting to the the changes my body has undertaken in the last 10 years! Good lord, I wish I had my 20's body back!

I'm off to buy some alcohol paints and try to do a new project....

Just Let it Roll

My new plan is to draw each night before I go to bed. When I began therapeutic journaling a few years ago, my counselor told me to find a time when my subconscious was aware and ready to speak and I was quiet and ready to listen. Night time was the best fit. What I find when I journal or draw at this time of the day is that things just happen. It's that whole process for the sake of process--the art of listening to your subconscious, the internal voice--which I view as God and allowing it take shape, speak to the conscious level and help guide me in the right direction. When I first started drawing this, I just had a face, and slowly she began to transform. A mistake here and there led to a new direction. She was not planned as a praying bride, but there she is, and isn't that fitting for my Changes journal? I mean one of the changes I'm undergoing is being a newly engaged.

Interestingly, as she began to develop, I saw, rather than an uptight, nervous, crying bride, a woman who was at peace in her wedding garb, praying for more than just a perfect wedding. As I've come to realize over the years, this quiet time for me to listen to the internal voice (it can be the eternal voice, too) is an opportunity for me to come to terms with the way things are or should be.

As with all of the women I draw, I love her. I can feel her--especially as a small portion of my own subconscious coming to terms with all the changes. Seeing her in juxtaposition to the "silent" woman I drew the night before is interesting and indicative of the complexity of my subconscious.

I'm off to Colorado for a week to celebrate my birthday. I'm so excited, and hope I can get a bit of drawing in while I'm gone...if not, the photos will have to suffice until I get home and process a week's worth of learning, living and loving.