If there were no need for money...

If money wasn't a necessity of life, I'd be happy. I know, I know, most people think that, but really, if I didn't have to work, could just stay home and create, using products that I could get for free, I would. What would I do with my time, you might ask? Ha! What wouldn't I do! First, there isn't enough wall space to hold what I'd want to do. It's funny, my mom is obsessed with wallpaper. I hate wallpaper, and, yet, I could see my walls inundated with photographs of every little thing I see. Isn't that the same as wallpaper? No! Each inch of the wall would hold a different glance of the world--not the sequential, predictable patterns of Victorian flowers lacing themselves across the walls. Each photo would not only be different, but it would hold a meaningful moment in time. Think about every photo on your walls right now. Either in the photo itself, behind the camera or off to the side just a bit, there is a story to be told. Even the photos taken in a studio have a story to tell--the little girl screaming through her photo shoot in front of you and you were afraid that's what your child would do, etc. Think of the smells, the weather, the conversations, all the hopes and dreams and feelings that were taking shape when that single photo was snapped. There is so much more to a photo than what is seen on the surface.

On the little jaunt to pick up Jake, I took photos of some cool things. Now, I'm in love with them, and I want to enlarge them and hang them on my walls, but there is that little thing called money that gets in the way. How much is too much to pay for a frame? What about the selling price of my house--will too many holes in the wall affect that? Will people even notice the house when it's covered in photos that have absolutely no relevance to them? That being said, the other day, I had a 30 minute conversation with a woman who after walking into my house with her realtor saw my photo of the whale on the wall and wanted to know all about how I had taken it. Her dream was to go whale watching. Mine was to have her buy my house!

So, what do I do with all of these photos? I can't realistically wallpaper my walls with each photo I take that I really like. I like each for different reasons--there is the literal photo and then all the layers that cannot be seen. I'll post a couple here. But I really, really, really want to hang them on my walls.

How many times did I say snake?

So, my last post was about photography, and wanting to "snake" my way through jungles, etc. Well, I might want to change the term "snake". I drove to Bennett Springs to pick up Jake, who'd spent a few days with my dad at his cabin. After the four hour drive, I decided we (actually MY hind end) needed to take a nature hike. Jake led the way, and before long, I reached out and grabbed him, keeping his gigantic size 14 shoe from stomping on a snake. Now, not that I am opposed to killing snakes. He could have stomped it to death, and I may well have joined in after it was done flopping. After all, having lived in the country, I grew up with snakes and had no problem standing in the yard screaming until my dad got a gun. BUT, next to water, you never know what kind of snake it is, and since I didn't have my "Poisonous Missouri Snake Guide" with me (yes, I have one of them, too. I cannot stress to you how much I hate snakes, but...), I wasn't sure if it was poisonous. We stood perfectly still until, after "jumping" into the water, it eased itself up on a rock and some kind of algae. Like I said, I hate snakes, but I also have a horrid fascination with them when I'm near enough. Instead of running, then, or screaming for my dad to grab a gun (he was at the cabin, but knowing how well I can scream, he would have probably heard me, and at this point, he'd likely just roll his eyes and shake his head), I started taking photos of it. Totally creeped out, I must say, I kept snapping away. Disgusting! It's eyes were round and not vertical slits, so I think it was non-poisonous; I couldn't quite tell the shape of its nose, either--the sun was shining and causing a glare, so...

Needless to say, I was thinking hard about the use of "snake" so many times in my last post and talking about that post with a few others. I see snakes, though, all of the time. It's because I'm hyper sensitive to my surroundings and scan the land as though I'm searching for land mines or something! If I'd not been with Jake, he wouldn't have seen the snake. He had no idea it was there in front of him, which made him stop and think about how many he'd been near the last few days and had no clue. Then, he got to thinking about what if a snake would "snake" by and somehow get into his waders as he was fishing in the water. I shudder to think! Good grief.

Well, back at camp, with photos loaded, we ate dinner with my dad, who is obsessed with this living like a cowboy. I don't get it, but, hey, whatever trips your trigger, I guess. He cooks using a dutch oven, which I must say made a really nice looking roast, but there is something about living in a one-room cabin, with no running water--thank god he has electricity (despite wanting to be a cowboy, he hates the heat and likes air conditioning. Of course, as a kid, when the front room had the only air conditioner in the house and my room in the attic was baking, he'd tell me to "buck up". Yes, but that air conditioner was only feet away from his room--something seems odd about that, don't you think?). Personally, I like the modern amenities of the 21st Century. Conserve, recycle, reuse, reduce, etc, for sure, but to give up running water for an extended period of time is crazy--especially when your living near a water source with snakes-good lord, there are snakes in them thar hills, fella!

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time, I wanted to be a photographer. It was my dream. I had a little studio set up in my parents' basement, and I spent hours and hours taking photos of all sorts of things. I hoped to work in advertising. Then, I went while in DC my first year at college for a journalism convention, I toured National Geographic. I thought nothing better than to slump through jungles and snake my way through foreign countries snapping hundreds of rolls of film. Well, life got in the way, and that didn't happen. Although I dabbled here and there with weddings and portraits, it didn't work out. We were poor, I had a baby, and I got sucked in another direction. That being said, I always dabbled. I never let it go completely. The fruit of that was given to me today. My ex-husband's niece (I still consider her my niece, but the divorce separated us and I hadn't talked to her in over 10 years) sent me a postcard. I saw her a week or so ago at a local restaurant while she was home visiting. She sent me that postcard from Ohio while she's touring the country taking photos. She said that it was because of me that she' s out there, right this moment, snapping photos, snaking her way across the country. She also added, "You remember when we covered those old check boxes with wallpaper?" Yes, I do, and she added these were things that she'd do someday with her own nieces. The postcard brought be to tears. I sat in the car and cried. All those years ago, I had no idea that something I might say or do would inspire this beautiful little girl to live out her dream. I'm so proud of her. She's starting her doctorate in psychology, and she mentioned she'd like to do something with art. If I had to do it all again, knowing what I do today, I'd be an art therapist. 100%.

So, Ms. Rachael, as you tour around the next few days, know that I'm living vicariously. I love you to pieces and you made my day today. It just reminded me how powerful just a little bit of time can be when offered to a child, and it reminded me that dreams live on in other people sometimes, and that, my dear, makes me so incredibly happy!

On Fire!

Let me tell you, yesterday, I was on fire! I created all day long, and I had so much fun. I found myself totally lost in each creation and by the end of the day, I was relaxed, re-energized and refreshed. Wow! I started one page in my journal--it's about growing old, and I found a quote about age and rather than describing it as growing old, it said we "ripen". I love that. Like a good wine, or a grape on the vine. Yummy. What a better way to look at aging. Of course, I'm not obsessing on the whole aging thing. I'm only 40, but some of my friends who are 40 are freaking out. I'm so happy, I can hardly stand it! True, there are days I miss that 20 something body, but hey, I'm better in every other way than in my hind end! I also played a bit with the drawing I posted yesterday. I "antiqued" it in I-photo, and decided to go with her as a mother nature like figure. The other two I've titled "What grows in your heart?" and "When your back is against the wall." Pretty obvious, I think. I'm just having a ball doing this. I'm not very good, but I don't care. There is nothing better than getting what's inside of you out on the page, and I really do believe that if you just let the process of creating overtake you, you'll find your subconscious rising to speak to you. I completely believe that God resides in our subconscious and speaks to us in whispers, guiding and supporting us. For me, creating helps me get in contact with God, and makes me feel ever so peaceful, centered, and like I said earlier, rejuvinated, re-energized, etc. So I'm off to see what else I can muster up with my new watercolor pencils that I absolutely LOVE!!! Have I mentioned that yet?

Hmm. What shall I do with this?

My dad has been here visiting, so not a lot of art going on. He just left, taking Jake with him for a little Papa and grandson time together in the Ozarks. I knew I'd have some quiet time to work at home on my journal this week, so I decided to try something new. I bought some watercolor pencils (had that wonderful 40% coupon from Michael's!), so I played a bit last night. I absolutely love the watercolor pencils because you can never be sure what you are going to get, and even though I'm not at all good at this drawing thing, I still love the process. It's like meditation!
Now, I'm wondering what do to with this one. I like her as a Medusa-like character, and I like her as Mother Nature, and I also like her as a woman caught in the whirlwind of life. I might try several things with her today. I also want to work on some background papers. I so love paper. I love buying it--and of course touching each sheet before I decide on which one I want, BUT I also love to make my own backgrounds. This time when I made my vacation scrapbooks, I used only scenic photos I had taken as background paper. It added so much to each page to see the scenic views we had seen while driving through Colorado. Eric made fun of me as I snapped close-ups of trees, wooden tables, rocks, etc., but after he saw the scrapbook he totally appreciated my stopping to get as close to possible to "weird" objects on our various and sundry treks.
So what shall I do with her?

Words of Inspiration

Yesterday, my realtor called and asked if I could move out of my house in a little less than two weeks. It sent me into a panic. For one, I'm enjoying lallygagging about the house drawing, working on my genealogy, reading, etc. To stop, drop and roll into packing and moving into a storage unit freaked me out. In addition, it freaked me out to be moving into Eric's so quickly. Less than two weeks allows for little acclimation of the idea of moving, the actual process of moving and there would be no slowly moving things in a day at a time. It would have to be all done in one fell-swoop. Of course, I COULD do it, and I would do it, but I needed to panic a bit. Out of the panic, I drew today's piece, and I went to the Internet (since I cannot seem to gather my own thoughts well enough to express) to find some quotes that would help me with my drawing. I had to really think about what kind of quotes I needed. Basically my panic centers around fear, which is an "emotion" that has plagued me my entire life. I have done an incredible job overcoming fear, realizing that fear is something that was keeping me stagnant in my life. There are so many quotes; it was hard to choose, so I chose several--yes, I have issues with making up my mind! Initially the face began as a "typical" face I've been drawing, but an oops here and an oops there, turned her into a crying angel. I have to wonder what does she signify. I think, and I could be wrong, but the tears are what I'd expect to occur when fear arises. To ignore the fear is to be unfaithful to my emotions. If I feel it, it must be real. HOWEVER, the wings signify the rising above the emotions. To feel it is a must, but to let it rule me is unacceptable. The praying hands signify faith. I do believe that things happen for a reason and I do believe a higher power is at work helping us overcome, building the bridge to help us cross over the experience or giving us the bandages to sooth our knees as we've crawled through the muck and guck of whatever turmoil we have to encounter. Just a few days ago, someone asked me if my has had sold yet and if I was getting impatient. I said, "No, I'm not impatient. It will happen when it's meant to happen." So....

Getting the journal ready

I always find myself in this situation. Wanting to create and having nothing to say. Well, I shouldn't say I have nothing to say; nothing just seems worthy enough to put in my journal. Interestingly, my process this summer has been different. I'm trying to create journal backdrops--I'm not comfortable calling them pages yet--for what's rolling about in my head. Once upon a time, I would have had the words and then taken time to "illustrate" them. Perhaps that is why I'm having difficulty "coughing" up words. The process has switched and it's taking me some time to catch up. Also, I'm drawing instead of using family photos, which I've been doing a lot of in the past few years. I've totally shaken up the entire process, I guess, and I'll get there. It'll just take time. Of course, summer is inching to a close and school will be starting soon, and then the process will be nearly shut down! Good grief.

So to get started on those pages, I drove to Kansas City today and stopped in Urban Arts and Crafts. I bought tons of stuff. Too much probably since I have nothing to say! But I did get a copy of Artful Blogging, which is a lovely publication that looks at "visually inspiring online journals". I so love the blogs that I found there, and I love the blogs I've discovered in the last few months. Before moving my blog here, I hadn't really taken the time to search the other spots that are out there. I was really trying to figure out how to find time in my day to blog--still haven't mastered that one, but am getting the hang of it. Slowly but surely. One of the things I really enjoyed about Artful Blogging is that they delve into everyone's processes of blogging, the benefits, the things to consider. I really enjoyed this read. If you haven't gotten your hands on this, you should. I think, I'll actually use it for one of my first lessons in my AP Lit class this fall. I know that the kids are blogging a lot on facebook, etc., but I'd really like them to think about the artistic endeavors that they could undertake. They are all such talented creatures at this age with A LOT to say, so why not create an artistic blog?

So here are a few of the drawings I've done so far this week. They are funky aren't they? Ugly is okay to say, too. I have fallen in love with them, though. Since turning 40, I've really started to question what beauty is and how we capture beauty--if at all. The "older" looking drawing is going to be titled, "When you aren't 16 anymore". Perhaps I'll use one of my favorite lines, "I grow old, I grow old, I wear by trousers rolled." When I first read that years ago in my undergrad poetry class, I loved it, but there is something more timely now...no worries, my trousers aren't rolled yet, and neither are my "stockings"!